forever.....

hidup aku mmg penuh dgn kesunyian..dari dulu lagi..and dari kecik, antara4 adik beradik aku,aku paling lambat bercakap..heh..semue org ingat aku bisu masa tuh...aku cuma tahu angguk...geleng..itu jer yang aku mampu buat...lahir2 jer dah buat parent ku pening..sedih kan...nama ku pelik...susah nak sebut..masalah jugak....hah...apa lagi yang nak dibuktikan..mmg aku yang banyak masalah...life aku bukan sama dgn org lain kat luar sana..makan minum ku cuku...tapi mungkin dari aspek perhatian..aku kalah...sampai sekarang..aku hampir nak masuk 21 tahun...its still be the same...sama...aku banyak habiskan masa aku dgn kawan2 yang aku rasa beruntung dpt bejumpe dieowg..dari kecik..aku akan tggu waktu petang..smata2 nak jumpe kawan..aku faham maksud kawan..n mmg indah...sampailah aku jumpa sorang kawan baik aku..shuk..sampai skarang..susah senang mmg aku ngn die jer...kalo ku xda..dia kol..kalo die xda..die jugak kol..hahah...aku selalu sendirian..slain jumpe kawan,aku main gitar..cuba buat2 lagu untuk diri aku sendiri..sampaikan adik aku mintak buatkan lagu untuk die..aku senyum jer...sbb aku tak pandai sgt..tapi ble org dengar..bende tu baru and selesa...hidup aku tak mudah...hidup ni ku habiskan banyak untuk kereta aku...satu and yang pertama untuk aku...inpirasi aku pada kereta aku takkan berubah..skarang aku sedih..inpirasi aku lenyap...lenyap..aku tk dpt nak pandang kereta ku lagi..tak nampak walau bayang pun...hari2 aku pikirkan kereta aku...hari2..apa lagi jer aku mampu buat..slain tgk kereta ku bersih..laju..and selesa...aku menunggu perkara yang dtg tah entak...hidup aku bingung...slain tuh..aku ada seorang gadis yang betol2 dah buat aku rasa bertuah...aku kehilangan pada masa dulu..tapi skarang tak lagi..die terbaik untuk hidup aku,,walaupun aku kuat bertelagah ngn die..die marah2..tapi itu aku..aku suka jadi mcm tu ..berbeza..berbeza dari pasangan lain..leteran suara die buat aku rindu sgt kat die...suara tuh yang teman aku untuk mendengar..and balas semula leteran die...mmg aku suka menyakat die..sampai migrain die aku buat...maafkan i syg...i just seems like being cultured shock sbb dari pendiam berubah jadi happy yang tak terhingga ble dapat kenal u...senyum u...gelak u...belaian u..semua berbeza untuk hidup i yang dulu...aku mengaku aku yang takot..aku yang takot kehilangan die..sbb die lah yang bagi aku knal erti gembira dalam hidup aku..gembira yang tak terhingga...tapi aku rasa aku bukanlah terbaik untuk dia..aku ttp buat die marah..and mungkin die benci aku...maafkan i...mungkin cemburu hati i nih tak boleh nak behadapan lagi ble u lebih mesra dgn org lain..sbb u cahaya i..i takot jadi malap..and gelap...and i buta...entah kenapa..makin hari sikap aku jadi lain..aku dah rasa aku taknak bercakap...aku rasa sikap membisu aku tu datang semula...21 tahun macam kelahiran baru untuk aku..tapi malangnya semuenya adalah sejarah hidup yang berulang...hari lahir aku dah nak dekat...sgt dekat..yes aku takot..sbb ...takpelah...apa yang mampu buat sekarang..ku mampu senyum and terus membiarkan apa sahaja yang terjadi..sbb aku lumpuh..aku lumpuh yang takkan sama dgn org lain..penderitaan yang hanya sendiri ku hadap slama 21 tahun...mana cahaya aku?mana kau pergi?aku sunyi...mungkin org yang membaca nih akan rasa aku ni sgt bodoh...tapi aku tetap aku..aku tak kesah untuk org membenci..bg aku itu pun cukup indah...sbb bila org benci aku,org pikir pasal aku..jadi aku rela untuk org pikirkan aku walaupun membenci aku seluruhnya....benda2 pelik kerap berlaku pada aku ...sejak dari dulu..tapi belum ada lagi yang aku mampu untuk luahkan walaupun sekecil batu...dan aku taw org akan kata aku gila..hidup aku lebih kepada sunyi and sendiri...ble aku sunyi..aku diam...mata aku akan layu dan memandang tak ada apa yang berlaku..walaupun org memandang...siapa aku???siapa??aku harap akan ada org yang mampu katakan sesuatu pada aku siapakah aku..aku ttp menanti...kepada siapa yang tahu jawapannya..tlglah bgtaw aku...aku mengharap..cahaya aku akan terang gemilang..dan aku akan kongsinya bersama...bersama semua..semuanya...aku takkan tamak...aku nak bg semue tahu indah cahaya terang tkkan malap terus ada..membawa harapan baru..untuk hidup dan dikasihi...buat aku..raja fazwani syakila sudah memadai...dia satu yang ku ada...forever.... :)

my confession...

i got to admit...people owez have their own problem...but the question is...do we need 3 person to settle down all the matters? for me im not gonna choose that things....
today i had make a choise to do the important things in my life...guess i never had a opportunity to give my self a time to be good....
i decide to stand on my own...im not gonna take my car anymore...find my own money...and dun want to think about problem...now i got nothing.... i know that there will be a problem coming for me when i take this decision...but..its good for me....no one knows it...im gonna start it from zero...no money,no car,and anything at all...but there is only a dream that i need to fullfil it...a wish, a promise...and for my family life sake....no one gonna feel that pain...no one....its only me, my past and my future....no problems...there is owez that i remember that whaT my family thought me.... there is only few sentence...that last forever.... :if u feed a boy with giving a fish,the boy will eAT only once....but if u teach the boy to fishing, there will be forever the boy will live..... and i gonna adapt that thing for my life sake!!!!

starting from letter A, and,have an end , with letter Z...

helloiiii.... first time working at my dad office, i felt like so impressed...so many things remain a question... you know what guys, a great power comes with a great responsibilities.. now, again, i putting my self to explore my second day working at here and i did not know what will coming next...my time are too limited to study all the things around here...i need to have a footnote!!!!akahz....
seems that i must memorize all the specific name and tools, i also have a good opportunity to play some indoor games..not game boy dude...table tennis...working while enjoy and wait until time to go back..am i an adult?????? unbelievable....hahaah
Damn.... i miz her so much...cant stop think of her...all of it..her smile,cute attitude..and pampered..owh my prada...hope u were just fine laling... >,<
so, gtg,,,got to do some important stuff...btw, there is one advice and it is from the thing that i learned from my dad...he says...'if u got a money,dont spend like crazy, coz if u do not have a money, u will be misery, and, if u know how to find the money, spend it wisely...coz u will never know how hard to get the money to take care all the family'.... >,< then i cried...coz i really seen all the painful and the hardnest thing to do to get the money for his own family... maybe all of u guys are working...find your own money,,,but i bet that u never work with ur dad and see how hard that things be.... thx dad...now i see it all and my cried for u are not fake and pity but glad to have someone like u in my life...ill do the best ever3...until ill take care all the things that you have been done for me and family, starting that we were born, until now.....

i need to guide her

today i felt a little bit tired... thus thank to Allah that i still breathing... i felt guilty that i almost scold her..sorry syg...but 4 me ill do my best 4 u...today got to help her to settle down all the problems... what can i say that thankz to shahputra...coz it is about something that relate to my past assignment..heheheh...
i just want her to know that im willing to help her on anything that she want for..coz im your boyfie kan bbish...therefor , thankz for everything that u done for me and ofcourse syg.....gudluck for your exam tomorrow... ill owez for your successful... so,,gtg!!!!!coz got something to be done...hopefully i can wake up early tomorrow coz got a site visit at mantin... love u my baby prada..nite everyone...

posting

NEW BLOG!
What should i write on here?will think about it.

morning to me...but im afraid that im not sleeping yet...y?
got last exam for tomorrow morning...huh...little bit stress...shock...and mad...y?
notin...something just goes wrong...y?notin...just little argument...y? huh..no more y.....
should i just tell the truth..>?or just kept it?or just throw it? haiyoooo...
cannot breath ma....i know im not too good 4 u..but atleast respect me lah k....
am i doin bad to u?am i?hurrmmm...tdo la....zzzzzzzZZZzzzz,,